Things I Wish I’d known Before I Got Married

I recently attended a bridal shower where we were asked to write a quote or bit of scripture on a slip of paper and pin it to a cork-board frame for the bride-to-be.  I tried to think of something that I wish someone would have told me before I got married, but as I stood there with the pen in my hand my then 3 month old started crying and, as frequently happens when he cries, my brain froze up and before I knew it the party was over and I’d never written anything on that little slip of paper.

To make up for my inability to come up with anything on my own, I decided to ask a bunch of other married women to answer the question: “What are some things you wish someone had told you before you got married?”  Then I compiled their answers and sent it off to my friend in an email. While I was at it, I figured, why not share these bits of wisdom with the rest of you as well. So here is what those women had to say:

“I wish I knew how important it is to stand together no matter what. Things come apart when we come apart.”

“You ARE allowed to go to bed angry. Sleeping on it allows you a chance to cool off and come at it in the morning with a clearer head.”

“No matter how angry he may make you, sometimes the best thing to do is to bite your tongue and walk away to cool off.”

“Don’t let your sex life suffer. Do it even IF you’re not in the mood. Because you soon will be. It makes you feel closer, more connected and relaxed! Be willing to initiate and don’t reject him! Believe me– a man who is satisfied at home is like putty in your hands! Oh and learn to cook.”

“The honeymoon isn’t perfect. I expected mine to be and I was so disappointed when everything went wrong. Our plane was delayed, it rained for three days, and one of the restaurants we were really looking forward to going to ended the season early. Plus I got sick the first night! Looking back on it now, it was still some of the greatest days of my life, just being together and the imperfection of it all, but I had always imagined my honeymoon to be the most magical part of my life, and when it wasn’t, I was almost crabby because things were going wrong. So my advice would be to realize that just because it’s your honeymoon, doesn’t mean that everything will go right.”

“Practice the bouquet toss! It’s harder than it looks! Mine went in completely the wrong direction and it was so embarrassing!”

“Taste test all of the food you’ll be eating on your wedding day!!! I was allergic to something in the icing of my wedding cake and wound up getting sick that night! (I found out because I ate leftover cake a week later and got sick again!) I know chances are slim that this would happen to you, but it really puts a damper on your wedding day, so it couldn’t hurt.”

“I would have payed someone a thousand dollars to tell me not to wear bobby pins in my hair (owwwwwww!), to wear waterproof mascara (I cried like a baby), and to bring a change of shoes for the party! (My husband is a foot taller than me so I had massive heals on that hurt like crazy!)”

“Hold hands often.”

“Hire a baby sitter and go on childless trips and dates.”

“Do nice things for each other on regular days for no reason.”

“Put little love notes in your husband’s lunch or pockets for him to find while he is at work.”

“The biggest one- Pick your battles! Most things couples fight over are NOT worth it! Compromise and recognize when something just isn’t worth risking the happiness of your marriage on.”

“Communicate, communicate, communicate. Guys don’t get ‘hints’. Say what you want in plain language. ALWAYS.”

“If you don’t already live together, there is going to be a transition period. People do weird things, things they don’t realize are weird. You and he both and going to discover little habits, just go with it.”

“Relax and enjoy every minute of your wedding day, it will go past so quickly and you don’t want to spend it stressed out and worrying about the small stuff.”

“Don’t take your man for granted, be sure to thank him for doing things for you and expect the same from him.”

“Don’t neglect your “me time”. Have something that you do on your own , even if it’s just curling up in your favorite chair for an hour or so once a week reading a book and drinking tea.”

“Courtesy of my wonderful grandmother who was very happily married for 60 years: ‘There be a little secret when ye drink from the marriage cup, whenever you’re wrong admit it, when ever you’re right SHUT UP.'”

“Learn to give and take equally. Marriage should never be one sided.”

“Give each other space, you are not conjoined twins.”

“Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to talk things through when situations arise.”

“Appreciate each other daily. I like to think of one or two things that I love about him every day or that I am thankful for due to him.”

“We always TRY to remember to not take each other for granted, we talk (a lot), and we laugh all the time.”

“Make your relationship fun – don’t be afraid to be spontaneous.”

“When you get really mad, walk away for a bit to think about it. And don’t try to be right all the time – its okay to accept you were wrong.”


“Have a date night, weekly or bi-weekly. Try new things and have fun with it.”


About heartmama

Hello, my name is Kathleen. My husband Luke and I were married in 2001 and we have 3 wonderful bio-sons: Ethan, born Oct. 2005, Quintin, born Feb. 2008, and Liam born June, 2010. We are looking forward to the day when our daughter(s) will join our family.
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One Response to Things I Wish I’d known Before I Got Married

  1. Dugutigui says:

    Interesting post!!

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